After football season was over during my senior year in high school I was prepared to continue to slide on through to my graduation without much fanfare. My ACT and SAT scores along with my less than impressive GPA were enough to get a football player in college. I had elected not to play basketball that year because of several differences of opinion with the basketball coach, mostly attributable to some unfortunate anger issues I had with a few opponent players in the past. Amazingly to me the basketball team made it to the AAA State Championship game that year without me.
Each year the school performed three plays, a junior class, a senior class, and a play for the entire school. I had the lead part in the Junior Class Play, the previous year. The play was entitled The Heavenly Quarterback. I was the Heavenly Quarterback. The two act play was very similar in plot to a film starring Warren Beatty in my role. There any comparison with Beatty and me ends.
There were numerous problems with the play, most attributable to the teacher that was the Producer and Director. Primarily the play wasn't very good and none of the cast knew their lines very well, including myself. It was performed on a stage at the old high school in town, which at that time was a grade school, fortunately ticket sales had also been done poorly so there were few there for the one performance and most were students who were not shy about booing or throwing objects at the stage, including tomatoes.
During intermission my co star and I walked over to a little beer joint nearby and had a beer where I debated to actually return for Act Two. Between the beer and better judgement I decided to return for more humiliation, but promised myself I would never allow myself to get in that precarious situation ever again.
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Appassionata Von Climax- Patti Hamilton , Lil Abner, Daisey Mae- Libby Berry, Earthquake McGoon-Chuck Painter, Mammy Yokum-Jenny Lou May 1969
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The play chosen for the all school production my senior year was Lil Abner, a play from a famous comic strip by Al Capp. The play is set in the hillbilly town of Dogpatch that has been declared the "most unnecessary town" in the U.S. and is set to be turned into a nuclear testing site. At the same time, the baby tonic (Yokumberry Tonic) that Li'l Abner has been fed all his life by his mother, Mammy Yokum, is discovered to be a potion that makes men strong and handsome, but also utterly uninterested in romance.
The town is ultimately saved when Pappy Yokum finds a plaque, declaring that its local hero and Town Founder, the Confederate General Jubilation T. Cornpone was, by virtue of his incompetence, so instrumental in the defeat of his own army as to be a hero of the Republic. The race commences, with surprising results. Although Earthquake McGoon captures Daisy Mae, she and Li'l Abner wind up getting married.
The play was being produced and directed by a math teacher named Alberta Toles. Ms. Toles was a tall no nonsense woman, who favored physically Aunt Esther from the old Sanford and Son television series. I did not really know Ms. Toles in that I had never had her as a teacher. My only experience was passing her in the hallways and being the recipient of her icy no non sense glare, because if nothing else, I singularly represented nonsense as a high school student.
The production of this play was causing an unusual buzz around school in that it was a musical with a very large cast . It seemed that every kid that had any singing or dancing talent wanted a part in the play.
Word was sent to me that Ms.Toles wanted me to play Lil Abner. I sent word back that this was not going to happen. One because I had sworn off acting after the trauma of the previous play and two, I cannot sing.
Ms. Toles was holding tryouts in the Band Room behind the school one evening that week and she had asked that I at least come there and talk to her about it, which after some heavy lobbying by quite a few of the girls that wanted to be in the play, I agreed to.
I walked into the Band Room to a very crowded room of kids singing "Daisy, Daisy" lyrics from a Bicycle Built for Two. I was summoned back to the office to have a face to face with the woman prior to that time had only given me cold stairs. Tonight there was a kinder, gentler Ms. Toles who welcomed me to sit down and talk.
Ms. Toles told me that this was going to be the biggest and the best play in the history of the school and that I had to be her Lil Abner. I told her I was not interested and went on to tell her the reason based on the previous year's play and even more importantly I could not sing.
She said there was no play without me, that I was Lil Abner. Wikipedia describes Lil Abner as, a naïve, simple-minded and sweet-natured hillbilly boy, so obviously it was type casting.
I reiterated to her I could not sing. She said "you have a wonderful voice" I said "maybe speaking, but I can not sing"
She asked if I was familiar with Rex Harrison, which I affirmed; she suggested I might be able to speak/sing like he does. I shrugged my shoulders.
I told her I absolutely did not want to be humiliated as I had been in the past experience with kids not knowing their lines. She assured me that would not be an issue and if I would take the role a female student had already volunteered to be a prompter just for me and that she would make sure that I had no problems with mine or anybody's lines with whom I acted.
I told her I would think about it and get back to her but if there were any issues with my singing I would resign on the spot.
The cast was chosen and the scripts were distributed. The first rehearsal came and I was well prepared with my lines. Ms Toles had put together a little ensemble to provide the live accompany music to this fun filled extravaganza, it was time for Abner's first song. As the music began I begin to sing in my best Rex Harrison imitation, before I was halfway through the first verse Mrs. Toles stands up from her piano and raises her hands saying stop the music. She says to me "Wayne? Can you like here the music?" I say, "yes Ms. Toles and I told you I cannot sing, so if we have a problem here I guess you probably should find someone who can sing" After some quiet thought and the familiar no nonsense stare toward me, she said "okay we will just finish tonight and you won't have to sing any of your songs, just recite you lines"
The next rehearsal her solution was anytime Abner had a song she would turn down the house lights and put a spotlight on me while someone else would came out behind and sing the song, while I just stood there and smiled a dumb Lil Abner smile.
There was one scene at the fishing hole with Abner's cronies where there was a song called "If I had My Druthers" Ms. Toles had cast four of my black football teammates as the cronies. So we were able to sing that number like a rap, long before rap had come on the scene. If I had my druthers I'd rather have my druthers than anything else I know why you'd rather hustle accumulatin' muscle, I'd rather watch the daises grow...
I still know the lines.
The play was before a packed gymnasium, but unfortunately only was performed once, after many weeks of work. Everyone knew their lines. The reviews were good, all of the large cast had a good time and a great high school experience.
I still refuse to sing, except in a low volume in church, where I suppose God is wondering if I can hear the music.
Thank you to Cathy Grabosky Manis who played Stupefying Jones, and furnished the photo and encouraged me to reach back for another old story.
